


When I'm Gone

by jadesshadow01



Series: Shattered Dreams [2]
Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2393213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadesshadow01/pseuds/jadesshadow01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's Dead. He died in Nathaniel's arms. Right? Maybe it's not time to say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it took so long! It's a short chapter, but I have big plans! 
> 
> Please read the first book if you haven't, you might be confused if you don't.

 

** Prelude **

_Are you with me after all_ __  
Why can't I hear you  
Are you with me through it all  
Then why can't I feel you  
Stay with me, don't let me go  
Because there's nothing left at all  
Stay with me, don't let me go  
Until the Ashes of Eden fall

_~Ashes of Eden, Breaking Benjamin~_

**__ **

                Jason stared at the still body by the window, the look of despair that lingered on the face as tears that he shed fell silently down. It had been one year. It had been one year exactly since his lover lost the love of his life, and still hadn’t recovered. It was still as fresh in his mind as if it had happened yesterday, still racking him through the mud of death that lingered.

                “You don’t have to stand there, Jason,” The man stated as Jason made his way over to him, his hand reaching out to touch the ethereal angel that lingered.

                “He wouldn’t want you like this,” Jason stated as eyes turned to look at him sadly, tears still at the brim, “He wouldn’t have wanted you to mourn like this.”

                “I can’t help it,” Nathaniel stated, as he looked back out the window, “Sometimes, I just wonder, if he wasn’t my mate, and I lost my chance. That he was my perfect match and I just let him go.” Jason shook his head vehemently.

                “He loved you so much that he took a bullet for you. He loved you so much that when he found out that you were gone he did everything to make sure that you were going to make it. He made that choice, the same way that I would do the same thing, Anita would do the same thing. He was a warrior, and he fought until the end to make sure that you were taken cared of. Don’t shame him,” Nathaniel looked at Jason, heartbroken eyes crushing the soul of the man before him.

                “He should have been with me. He should be here now to love me. He deserved that love as much as you and Anita do. He lived so long without it, and then he was snatched away before I could show him that I loved him, “ Nathaniel stood, walking to the stairs before looking back at Jason,  “ He told me he loved me before he died. He finally told me what I think I’ve always known. That he loved me. He died with no regrets, and I live with them. I live with the regret that he will never know how much I loved him.” Nathaniel made his way up the stairs, never turning back to see the broken expression on the mans face.

                A sigh was pulled from the body of the tired man, flopping on to the sofa and covering his eyes to try to get rid of the headache that lingered from the heartbreak that was still not healed over. He heard the wings as it came closer to the window, bringing his arm from his eyes to the owl as it got closer to the window. Frowning, he got up, letting the animal in the house, as it dropped the letter on to his and flew away.

                “What the hell?” Jason muttered as he opened the letter, taking in the lack of return address.

                _Jason,_

_It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to contact anyone in the family. I was told that you were still alive and able to correspond. I was contacting you to let you know that I did survive the war here in Britain and that it is now safe for you to visit once more. It was a close call, but that Potter brat was able to save me. He’s actually one of the reasons I’m sending you a letter. I’m unable to leave him currently due to his own injuries. Thankfully, he’s still alive, but not well._

_Anyway, you can contact me by sending me a letter. The owl you sent probably went outside if it thinks that there might be ~~muggles~~ non-magical folk are nearby. Just give the letter to him, and he’ll get the letter to me._

_Severus Snape_

Jason stared at the letter, lingering over the familiar name that was very rarely mentioned in the house. He jumped up, running to write a letter back, the letter clenched in his fist as he fought the tears. There might be more hope than they believed.

~HPNGHPNGHPNG~

                Severus Snape sat at his desk, going over the essays that he had been putting off for over a week. Groaning, and stretching, he barely caught sight of the bird that came floating in at him. He took the letter, letting the owl rest on his shoulder as he opened the letter.

                _Uncle Severus,_

_You mentioned the name Potter. His name doesn’t happen to be Harry Potter does it? There’s so much more than you can believe is happening over here. Please inform me immediately._

_Jason_

                Severus stared at the letter, before sighing. He had a visit to make.


	2. Harry's Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many apologies on taking so long! I was graduating, and trying to get everything set up in my personal life. It's a short chapter, but that's ok! Let's enjoy!  
> Disclaimer: Own Nothing. Literally. Broke College Kid.

**Chapter One- Harry's Reality**

 

 

 _It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed_  
All in the name of misbehavior and the things we don't need  
I lust for after no disaster can touch, touch us anymore  
And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before

  
_~Poets Of The Fall~_

 

 

Harry sat in the empty house, staring at the wall with a frown. His hands shook, his body shivering with the exhaustion that seemed to always seemed to pour through him. The glass vial in front of him was a murky green color, the same color that seemed to have overpowered his eyes again. His hair was limp, body constantly sore, and his mind never stopping, always going, trying to piece together something that he just couldn't remember. He twirled the vial around, never hearing the door to his fire expand, the name being called from the living room that he hadn't really entered since he bought the house after the war, nor the red headed girl that stood in the doorway, staring at him with hard eyes, and a cold expression.

“Are you done sulking?” She snapped, bringing Harry's attention away from the blank spot on the wall that he had been staring at for however long he had been there.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asked, putting down the vial that he had been twirling, and turning to face the woman that he had sworn to love. The rage in her eyes told him that he had fucked up again, but he couldn't for the life of him remember what he did. It seemed that lately he couldn't remember much of anything other than the empty feeling that told him he was missing something. Something that Ginny was not giving him.

“How long have you been in the house this time Harry? How long have you been sitting in this bleeding house ignoring the world?” Ginny snapped, watching as Harry stood up slowly to get a tea cup from the cupboard. He couldn't remember the last time he ate, couldn't remember the last time he had the urge to do something other than twirl the vial that Snape had sent him.

“How long are you going to pretend that you don't need a job? Have you even been looking? Or how about respond to Kingsley's responses that you come to an event? Be the FUCKING SAVIOR!” Ginny yelled, as Harry didn't physically react other than to turn cold hard eyes to her.

“I'm no one's poster boy,” He stated simply, as he sat at the table wrapping his hands around the cup to feel something, anything, even the burning sensation that echoed pain from his hands.

“You're not much of anything anymore Harry! You don't even exist anymore!” Ginny snapped.

“What happened to you being there for me, Ginny? I lost a lot! I lost a lot of people!” Harry yelled, watching as Ginny's face turned red.

“YOU WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE TO LOSE! I LOST MY BROTHER IN THE WAR! YOU DON'T SEE ME WALLOWING IN MY OWN CRIPPLED BODY WAITING FOR THE NEXT-” The smack came from nowhere. Harry couldn't even feel the rage that had built in him, never really saw his hand as it came high and down hard. He felt nothing as Ginny retaliated, pushing him in to the very same wall that he had been staring at.

Wands came out, pointed, aimed, words on their lips. Movements came next, just as the wands were ripped from their hands. Harry frantically began searching for something to defend himself from the outside attack. Someway to defend himself from whatever had taken away his first layer of defense, but he had removed the knives he normally kept on himself in fear that he would finally give in to that urge to make his death permanent, and he had gotten rid of the second wand in an attempt to keep the lure of power out of his reach.

“Harry!” The yell shocked his system, causing him to jump in front of Ginny, no thought to who was actually saying his name. His eyes screwed up tight as he prepared to take the pain that was going to radiate as soon as the spell hit him.

“Harry!” Harry took deep breath, the pain flowing through him as he hit the ground, laying on the soft forest ground, his breath stuttering, his eyes so heavy, so hard to open.

“Get back, you idiot Gryffindor!” Harry softly exhaled the last time, as he acknowledge that Snape would win the war for them. He would take on the cause the Harry had lost. He was ready to fight for that moment when the world was safe.

“Potter! Breath!” A hand landed on his chest, a pulse of energy, magic, flowing through him.

“Breath!” Another.

“Breat-” Harry didn't feel or hear anything after that.

~HPNGHPNGHPNG~

 

Harry felt heavy. His body felt like an anvil laid on top of it, unwilling to move from where it was. He wanted to wake up, he wanted to move again, if nothing else to get out of this most uncomfortable position that he was in.

“I know you're awake, Potter,” Snapes snarly voice came fluttering in to his conscious. Harry felt himself come to the front of the of his mind, his eyes not as heavy.

“Oh, bloody hell, Potter. You can wake from death, you can wake from a little bit of a panic attack.” Harry felt his eyes flutter open as the dark room encompassed the pale white man that stood in front of him.

“What. Do. You. Want?” Harry gasped out, as Snape stared at him strangely.  
“I want to know what happened when you died,” Snape said, an odd tone to his voice, one that Harry couldn't really place, but stared hard at.

“Nothing happened.”

“We both know that's a lie, Harry,” Snape stated, his hand wrapped around a parchment that caught Harry's eyes. “You experienced something, saw someone, did something, and you just can't fully remember it.”

“What do you know about it?” Harry snapped.

“What did you see, Potter?” He snapped coldly, as Harry glanced at the ceiling. He was in the hospital, same bed that he always seemed to get based on the fact that there was a slight indent in the ceiling from the war.

“Dumbledore talked to me.”

“What did he say?”

“That I was destined for more. I was meant to save the world.” Harry snapped.

“There's more to that. Something that you're purposefully excluding.” Snape stared hard at the young mans hard frame. Harry glared at Snape. The silence became overwhelming, so did Harry's need to tell someone, to have someone know what was going through his mind, what made him pull back from everyone, the never-ending lack of remembering.

“There is. It would help if you remembered. I don't remember. I know there is something that I'm supposed to know. I know there is something missing. I just have no idea what it is!” Harry snapped.

“Jason Schuyler.” Snape cocked his head to the side, as Harry's eyes went glazed over.

“Where did you learn that name?” Harry frowned, his mind speeding, so fast, no sense of cohesion. Why did that name bring so many emotions? What was this? What was going on? And-

“Where did YOU learn that name?”

 

 


	3. Realities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Back!!!! Alright, so you might want to go back and re-read the prologue because after re-reading it, I wasn't satisfied. I was alright with Chapter 1 and this chapter is a little rough, but I'm working on it and getting my groove back. Hope everyone enjoys!

** Chapter 2- Reality **

_But maybe I’m not alone_ __  
Maybe if you take my hand  
And I reach up to God  
Maybe this time he’ll say a prayer for the damned

_~SIXX A.M~_

                Harry stared at Severus’ tense body for a moment before shaking his head and closing his eyes. The flashes of non-descript images, the sounds of laughter lingered in the back of his mind as he desperately tried to remember why he knew that name. He ignored Severus’ sigh as Harry leaned back and let the name linger. The sound of music fluttered through his mind, dancing, and happiness that he couldn’t seem to remember in the past year.

                “I have no idea,” He finally stated, as Severus looked at him closely. Severus leaned back, watching as the man in front of him got frustrated with what he couldn’t remember.

                “Did you know,” He started as Harry looked at him through pain filled eyes, “that there are several realities?” Harry shook his head. “And all of these realities connect in one thing, Death. It is rumored that once you die in one reality, you die in the rest. Another rumor is that the Deathly Hallows can alter that. It is rumored that it is how to escape death is to literally bring another reality to your realm, and it dies while you live.” Harry scoffed.

                “That’s ridiculous! There’s no way that an alternate self of mine came to this world, and died, therefore I’m alive to have to deal with this mess!” Harry snapped, as Severus scowled at him.

                “I believe that there is chance that the alternate was closely drawn to this world because of the close connection he had to this world. The question is , what is that connection?” Harry looked at him, frowning.

                “Again, assuming that this is true,” Harry huffed, “I have no idea what that connection is. I have no memory of ever meeting Jason, and have no reason to know that name.”

                The nod at Harry told him that he was heard, but the silence told him that the man in front of him was thinking of ways to remove the block from his memory. Severus leaned forward, the smirk that told Harry that he wasn’t going to like what came out of his mouth next lingered.

                “We can try Legilimency. You can’t block me, and I can get those memories out. We need to know why you know my family so well. I’m not comfortable with the fact that there is some puzzle piece that is missing from you, and maybe it’ll help with the issues that you’ve been having.” Harry shook his head.

                “We’re not doing that,” Harry stated as Severus leaned back in his chair.

                “Do you want to continue living like this?” Severus snapped, as Harry glared at him, “Living in this filth, the expectation of marrying that woman who just set you off in to panic attack? Death is already not an option, so you can continue to wither away all you like, or you can go on one more adventure. Find what’s keeping you from living, and possibly get you away from everything that’s killing you.” Harry shook his head slowly.

                “I’ve lived enough as it is,” Harry stated, “ I just want to keep living like a normal person.”

                “This is not living!” Severus yelled, “This is slowly killing yourself so that the guilt doesn’t eat you alive. This is taking away the guilt that lingers all over you every time someone sees you. This is hiding and I thought gryffindors were better than this!” Harry stood up and began pacing, ignoring the exhaustion that came back.

                “Why can’t I be normal?” Harry yelled, as Severus snorted.

                “Because Martyrs don’t get normal.” Harry sighed, nodding as he sat back on the cot.

                “Go ahead,” Harry stated, as Severus pulled out his wand, “It does not guarantee that I’ll go to him. It’s just so that I no longer have holes in my memory.” Severus nodded.

                “Legilimens.”

                Memories came flooding to the surface, images that he recognized immediately, memories that overwhelmed him. He felt as Snape pushed hard, finally running in to the fog that was his lost memories.

**Flash**

_“Alright, Nathaniel. I'll stay one night. We can discuss the past, and anything else that NEEDS to_

_be discussed, then I leave the next day. There will be no arguments on it. Alright?” Harry sighed,_

_hunching over in defeat, overwhelmed, and exhausted, compared to the grinning man near him._

**Flash**

_“You know, it's true,” Nathaniel stated silently, watching Harry's face for a reaction, but not_

_getting one, “I slutted myself out for what I thought was a better life. I thought I couldn't get any_

_better than what I had at that moment.” Harry stayed silent staring ahead. “Maybe I shouldn't be_

_allowed to-”_

_“Don't finish that sentence,” Harry stated lowly, but more menacing than Nathaniel had ever_

_heard. Nathaniel looked at Harry's tense face, taking in the grinding jaw, broken eyes, and_

_slouched body. Tears began to fill his eyes, as he shifted close enough to lean on Harry. Harry_

_glanced over to see the hurting man beside him, and lightly kissed his head like he used to it. It_

_was like breathing to him, going back to those times._

**Flash**

 

_“You do not love me.” Harry stated coldly._

_“Yes, I do! I loved you back then, and I love you now!” Nathaniel snarled._

_“You do not love me!” Harry snapped back, as Nathaniel got in his face._

_“I love you. My leopard loves you. I LOVE YOU!” Harry smacked Nathaniel, as Anita pulled_

_her gun out and aimed._

_“You do not love me. You can not love me. You're not allowed to love me. I am a distraction. A_

_wish, if you please. I am not the boy I was. I will protect you with everything I am, but you can_

_not let yourself think that this can be a happy ending. Take your little fucked up family, and be_

_happy. Do not make me tell you again.”_

**Flash**

_“Dying... Let... Go... Safe...”_

**Flash**

_“I'll be safe with you. I'm always safe with you.”_

**Flash**

_“No! Don't leave me! I love you too! Don't leave me! Please!”_

**Flash**

                Harry was yanked out of the memories, staring at Snape with wild eyes, grasping at his chest as a whimper fell from his lips.

                “Nathaniel,” He whimpered as Severus laid him back on the cot.

                “Who is Nathaniel?” Severus asked, seeing Harry’s eyes roll back as he tried to hold the man up.

                “Jason’s lover,” Harrys gasped out as his body finally took him out. Severus laid him gently back on the bed before walking over to the desk in the man’s living room and writing a letter to his nephew. Handing off the letter to the owl, he watched as hope flew off, a hope that hadn’t been felt since Harry defeated the dark lord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sorry for making you relive his death. JS.


End file.
